What's Sold During The Super Bowl

Since I'm really, really trying to hold to my New Year's resolution of being a better person, I won't be sarcastic--at least not for the entire length of this post.

I know my readers are intelligent, sensitive people. I really do.  But I also know that you need a break sometimes.  So, after a few weighty posts, I'll treat you to some lighter fare today. After all, it is Super Bowl Sunday.

A lot of the hype leading up to the game has centered around the advertisements that will be shown. Not so long ago, you didn't see the ads until game day.  Now those segments are hawked no less than the products that are being pitched in them.  

I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  After all, the Super Bowl is the world's greatest marketing vehicle.  And vehicles aren't the only things marketed.  The game is also used to sell beer, fast food, and any number of overpriced products and "services."

In the latter category are colleges and universities. Now, our esteemed institutions of higher learning would never stoop so low as to feature themselves in any 30- or 60-second productions featuring lots of hot-looking people in various states of undress lolling languidly under palm fronds flickering in the tropical sun next to an undulating bay, much less allow such things to be shown between spasms of violence and committee meetings.  Being composed of intelligent, highly educated people, colleges and universities have figured out a more subtle and sophisticated method of product placement.  (Not being a higher education administrator, I can call the thing by its proper name.) 

Here is how George's Wreck and Tex's Agonies advertise themselves in the world's most hyped sporting event:  At the beginning of the game, as a headshot of each starting player is shown, we hear his voice mumbling his name and the college or university of which he is an "alumnus."

Now, as much as I abhor the fact that Division I College Football is, essentially, the minor league system of the NFL, I wouldn't mind if a player who actually graduated from, say, Northwestern, said, "graduated from Northwestern."  If he graduated cum laude or had some noteworthy non-athletic achievement, I wouldn't mind if he mentioned those, too.

On the other hand, I think it's wrong not only for non-graduates to present themselves as if they'd earned their degrees, but even for them simply to say the names of the colleges they attended because most people assume that football players "graduate" from their schools to the NFL.

If a player is, say, 24 credits short of graduation, he should say as much--or not mention his college affiliation at all.  And I think that if a player earned less than half of the credits necessary for graduation from his school, he shouldn't even be allowed to mention it.

Actually, if we have to see those cloyingly cute shots of players and hear them mumble anything, I'd rather that it were their hometowns or, perhaps, some other interesting facts about themselves.  Of course, I'd want them to be perfectly candid:  Wouldn't you just love to hear a glowering player mutter, "My name is Longmont Johnson, and when I'm not playing or practicing, I like to drink, drive too fast and ding cheerleaders."  He might be a cad, but at least he'd be honest--which is more than you can say for those administrators whose institutions get free advertising in the Super Bowl.